I always thought because I had you for the second chance, that I’d do whatever I could for us to make us work.. But I learned that sometimes, you can’t always control what you want.. God has a plan for me, and I don’t need to question why this happened because I know in the end we’ll both be happy, with or without each other. I’m no longer bitter because I know I tried my best to love you. And maybe you tried too. People say time will tell, but if we really wanted this we would’ve told time off. I know I’m no longer on your list of to-dos, nor the first person you try to make happy. Or the first person you think of when you do something wrong. I know I’m no longer your priority or your happiness. I know I’m no longer the first person you put before anybody else.. And I guess that’s the funny part, because at one point, I was. At one point, I was everything you wanted. At one point, you were everything I wanted.. And I know things have changed.. And maybe this time, it’ll be permanent.. And maybe this time, I won’t have another chance.. But I know I did what I could.. Even though it was never enough.
You know, I never understood why couples always got back together even after how many fights they had. I never understood why after so many fucked up things that’s been said, they’d still be there for each other. I never really understood how you could just take someone back with a blink of an eye, without even thinking about what that person has done to you. I never really knew or understood how much hurt you could feel towards a person but still love them fully and completely. I never really understood how I’d “understand later”, and I never really knew I would feel how other people feel, love how other people love, and forgive how other people forgive, until now.
4 years ago. When my bf “looked” like usher. Lmao I never saw it tho. I miss this. (Taken with instagram)
Lol hubs was playing with his left over spray paint. 9 months this wednesday. (Taken with instagram)
It hurts knowing you would betray the two people who did the most for you. (besides family of course) you were the only one who knew my story and the only one who never left. I almost always sit here and wonder why you did what you did and how long you’ve been thinking of it. Never in my life would I ever think the one person who would make me feel useless would be you. You were my brother. Not an acquaintance or a homeboy. My brother. But you betrayed me so fucked up and twisted.. Turned my trust into dust and slowly, had me punish MYSELF as to why everything happened the way it did. I try so hard not to let your selfish dumbass actions phase me, but I just can’t get over how mentally screwed up you are. It’s a shame.
